Sorrowful Pasts

Watching him harbor such deep resentment over a casual remark, the man was captivated by this earnest side of him for the very first time! It was the first time he realized that even someone as clumsy and honest as him could get angry.

However, that anger was on behalf of others, not for himself. If only one day, he could think of himself for once, I believe I would feel truly happy!

Yet, ever since he had known him, he had always maintained this posture—a completely self-sacrificing attitude, asking for nothing in return at all!

It was impossible to understand such a state of mind! That kind of selflessness without expecting anything in return was a spirit that could only be found in books.

How many people nowadays could manage to be like him, pouring so much dedication into their students while asking for nothing in return? At the very least, he himself could never do it!

Yet this seemingly honest and simple-minded fellow had accomplished it with ease!

Sighing softly, he explained helplessly, "I am merely speaking from the facts! Just think about the F Class from previous years; no matter how hard you tried, they still achieved nothing! Those who failed continued to fail."

Coldly stating the reality he saw, he watched as the man, who had still wanted to retort, suddenly fell silent. He knew right then that his words had taken effect!

He did not believe that students would magically become smart just because of his efforts.

Suddenly, while he should have been feeling low, he raised his head abruptly and said firmly, "I believe that this year, our class will definitely produce a student with outstanding grades! These kids are different from the ones in the past!"

Persisting in his own view, the F Class teacher's remark brought a smile to the lips of the usually indifferent A Class head teacher.

It was not that he disbelieved his words, but being assigned to the F Class meant it was simply impossible for anyone to have outstanding grades! In his perception, clever people never made mistakes!

Seeing the smile on his face, the F Class teacher felt provoked! Unconvinced, he declared, "If such a top-performing student really appears in the F Class this time, you must admit before all the teachers and students in the school that the F Class is also a breeding ground for talent!"

Such a thoughtless outburst made the man curve his lips once more. A tender light flickered in his eyes as he nodded and took up the challenge: "Very well! But if you lose, you must obediently listen to me and stay home to rest."

In truth, the two of them were a couple! It was simply because both were educators—or perhaps because the F Class teacher did not wish to make their relationship public.

Consequently, they had never engaged in overly intimate actions at school! Everyone assumed they were on bad terms, but who could possibly know?

In reality, they were a couple deeply in love with each other! Having studied abroad together, they believed that when it came to love, whether between men or women, love knew no boundaries.

Puffing out his cheeks in anger, the F Class teacher decided to raise the stakes! He declared, "If you win, I will go home and never come out again! But if I win, you have to admit before everyone that the F Class kids are capable, and you have to be the one underneath this time! How about that?"

Looking defiantly at the A Class head teacher, he waited for him to take the bait. Chuckling softly, the man agreed quietly: "Alright. Yun, whatever you say goes."

Whatever Yun desired was clearly written all over his face, including the fact that he had always wanted to be on top; he had been well aware of this all along.

However, it would all depend on whether the students in his class could win this victory for him! The outcome was truly anticipated.

Although he felt the probability of Yun winning was practically zero, he was still willing to make a minor sacrifice occasionally just to make him happy.

For the first time, a warm smile appeared on his cold face, making the F Class teacher feel as though he had walked right into a big bad wolf's trap!

Shivering involuntarily, he turned around and walked out without looking back. Stepping into this office once more, Lin Yun still felt somewhat awkward!

Although they lived together day and night, they rarely interacted at school. Aside from absolute necessities, he never took the initiative to approach his beloved, Qianhu Qingcang.

Qingcang was a master's student at A University, a prestigious institution in S Country, and could have easily pursued higher education. Yet, purely because of him, he had chosen to come to this school.

To work alongside me! Even as a teacher, he remained so calm and composed. No matter what he did, he always appeared utterly confident.

He even taught his students well enough for every single one of them to be admitted to key universities! In contrast, look at me—mediocre and always causing him trouble.

To be honest, it was quite shameful; even now, some of my students were still being held back a grade. As a teacher, failing to guide them properly filled me with shame and sorrow!

Because every year there were always a few who failed their exams, looking at the regretful tears streaming down those once innocent faces always made me feel deeply guilty!

I kept reflecting on where things had gone wrong. Why could their grades never improve? Was my teaching method flawed?

Yet, I had studied the exact same way back then, relying on these very study methods to get into A University.

And yet now, these methods seemed to have lost their effect! They would always fall asleep during my lectures or let their minds wander.

I desperately tried all kinds of methods, but none of them seemed to work. Did this truly mean I was unsuited to be a teacher?

Was it really as Qingcang said, that I was only suited to stay safely at home and wait for him to earn money to support me?

It was not as if I had never considered such a prospect, but every time I imagined being left alone at home, watching my beloved struggle outside for our livelihood, I could not sit still for even a moment!

In my understanding, love required two people striving together to contribute a modest effort toward our future!

Although it would be arduous and exhausting, it was still better than having only one person constantly working hard while the other sat idly at home.

My family in the past had been just the kind Qingcang desired: my father worked outside while my mother cared for me and my siblings at home.

There were three children in our family—two boys and a girl. Back then, that life had been so fulfilling! Truly! That period of time was so blissful! Yet, no matter how happy and complete it was,

it still had a finishing line, just as every road eventually comes to an end. Life in our family did not last long before my father had an affair!

He found a lover outside, and for the sake of that woman, he abandoned us and deserted this happy home.

I had seen my mother hiding her mouth and crying quietly in the bedroom she shared with my father, weeping night after night, only to put on a brave face the next morning and prepare breakfast for us as if nothing had happened.

The money my father left behind was enough for us to live without working and continue our schooling for over a decade. That was why we were able to finish our unfinished education!

Originally, I had already planned to stop going to school! Because I was truly slow; no matter how hard I studied, my grades remained the exact same!

However, after my parents divorced, I began to study diligently! A vocabulary word that others might memorize after reading it once or twice was something I had to read and write a thousand times before I could retain it forever.

I studied hard, wanting to give my mother a better life, wanting her to know that even without a father, she would still not lack support.

And diligent effort always yields rewards! For instance, through studying far harder than anyone else, I finally fulfilled my mother's wish and was admitted to A University in S Country.

Coming home jubilant with my acceptance letter, I wanted to give my mother a surprise. However, when I returned to the house once again, all I saw was a black-and-white photograph placed in the very center of the living room.

It captured my mother's gentle and happy smile! My older brother and younger sister were kneeling right in front of the portrait! The acceptance letter slipped from my hand onto the floor, and I walked forward with trembling steps.

Lunging forward to grab my brother's shoulders, I roared in agitation, "This isn't true! Tell me this isn't true! Sob... it's not true!"

Clutching my brother's shoulders tightly, I shook him vigorously. Tears burst uncontrollably from my eyes, and my voice shifted from trembling to choking.

I simply could not believe it! Only a month ago, my mother had still been healthy and smiling as she sent me off to school. Yet when I returned with joyful news, sorrow was all that awaited me!

My mother's departure hit like a bolt from the blue, ruthlessly tearing apart my heart and my already fragile nerves.

My brother stared straight into my eyes and said calmly, word by word, "Mom is gone. The doctor said it was sudden death caused by excessive grief compounded by day-and-night toil."

Everything happened so abruptly that the happy family I once had shattered like foam at a single pop, turning into dust and vanishing into the air!

What kind of feeling was that? I still remember it vividly to this day! Yet I had never told Qingcang about these things, because I felt there was no need for him to know.

Therefore, he could not be blamed for constantly insisting that I stay at home! Haunted by the shadow of my family, I did not believe I could hold onto my own happiness. I was terrified I would follow in my mother's footsteps!

Just like such a perfect woman as my mother, she had sacrificed far too much for this family—her youth, her career, her freedom!

And her very life! Such a gentle woman, putting her family before everything else, had ended up in an empty house with everyone gone!

Heaven was truly unfair! Just when you felt you were the happiest person in the world, you were forced to face the cruelest reality.

My mother's death had forced him to foresee his own tragic future. Perhaps he would never attain that so-called love at all.

Perhaps Qingcang was simply temporarily blinded by that so-called love, and eventually, when he came to his senses, he would abandon me without hesitation, just like my father had!

These anxieties continually haunted me, robbing me of sleep at night! That was why I always kept myself busy all day long, so that by evening I would be tired enough to fall asleep!

Yet I dared not mention any of this to Qingcang, fearing that my excessive control would instead drive him to leave me sooner.

Just like my father, who had once loved my mother so deeply, hadn't he also easily cast aside the mother who bore his children?! Especially since my mother had been so gentle, loving my father and this family so completely!

Whereas I could not bear children for Qingcang. Just as Qingcang's father had said, Qingcang would leave me one day, and once I lost Qingcang, I would be left with nothing!

Yet, knowing all this full well, I still sank deeply into it! Even if a day came in the future when Qingcang truly left me, I would still be able to smile as I walked away.

Without entanglements, without doing anything foolish, I would die alone, carrying away the happy memories we once shared!

At the very least, having no children meant I wouldn't have to worry about them grieving over my departure or suffering any adverse impacts. These were merely my own thoughts, and I had never brought any of them up in front of Qingcang.