Pregnant

"My Prince, I am taking the child with me. If you wish to send a letter of divorce, simply have someone deliver it to Fantian Pavilion."

Gu Teng was holding the baby, and I followed right behind him. The moment we stepped out of the medical hall's threshold, a voice from behind called out, halting our steps.

"I will come for you. Wait for me."

I said nothing and merely walked away.

Li Yexuan, I cannot afford to wait, nor is there any need for you to do so. Perhaps by the time you arrive, I shall already be a handful of ashes, my very soul long since vanished into nothingness.

Upon returning to Fantian Pavilion, Gu Teng checked my pulse once more. A heavy barrier seemed to have risen between his brows.

"What is it? Just tell me. Is there anything left that I cannot accept?"

"Your body is in a worse state than I imagined, and you have taken too many of those pills."

"How much longer?"

"A month, perhaps."

"Are you going to ask me if I have any unfulfilled wishes? It might disappoint you, but I truly seem to have none. I only wish to stay here in Fantian Pavilion."

"If there is anything, just say it. I will take care of the child for you. You may experience dizziness, cough up blood, or fall into deep sleeps. Do not worry; a month is certainly guaranteed." Gu Teng averted his gaze, refusing to look at me.

"Older brother," I gently tugged at his hand.

"I thought I would never hear you call me that again."

"What are you saying? All these years, everything you have done for me, I have seen it all. You are closer to me than a real brother. Now Zijun has Xu Xun, Dongfang Qingyu also has his crown princess, and my son is already this big. Only you, my brother... I always leave feeling uneasy."

"I will try once more—for both your body and your sister-in-law."

"Very well. I wish to sleep for a while now."

Gu Teng left, and I lay down. Before falling asleep, I made sure to instruct Afu and Aling to wake me up when the baby came looking for me.

And that sleep of mine lasted a full seven days.

When I awoke, it happened to be the dead of night. Gazing at the room full of people, my heart felt as though it had been pierced deeply by something sharp. Dongfang Qingyu was slumped over my bedside, Gu Teng sat upon a stool, Zijun had fallen asleep across the table, and Afu had simply slumped onto the floor.

"You're awake." Dongfang Qingyu lifted his head, and upon seeing my eyes open, he snapped awake instantly. His words startled the others who were dozing off into wakefulness as well.

"Elder sister."

"Zijun."

"Princess."

"Does anything hurt?" Gu Teng immediately hurried over. Dongfang Qingyu stepped aside to let Gu Teng take my pulse.

I shook my head. The pervasive scent of medicine throughout the room made me reluctant to speak.

"All is well. Go and rest, everyone. Aling is keeping watch over the baby." Gu Teng spoke, yet he did not leave. Dongfang Qingyu urged Zijun and Afu to go and rest.

"I want to sit up."

Gu Teng helped me up, placing pillows and quilts behind my back to support me.

"How many days have I been asleep?"

"Seven days."

"When did all of you arrive?" I asked Dongfang Qingyu, terrified of delaying any major affairs of state. For someone like me, it was truly not worth the trouble.

"We arrived just a few days ago. Zijun came the earliest; he has scarcely closed his eyes."

"It has been hard on you all."

Seeing the expression on Gu Teng's face, I could not help but say, "If you have something to say, just say it. Who could this expression possibly fool? There is only Qingyu and myself here, so it is quite alright."

"Speak quickly," Dongfang Qingyu urged as well, his eyes reflecting undisguised tension and panic.

"Very well. This is something you must know yourself: you are with child, roughly half a month along."

I could not believe my ears. How could that be? I clearly... Suddenly, I remembered that after Li Yexuan discovered I was taking contraceptive pills, he had thrown all of them away in a fit of rage, and naturally, after that...

"Could you have misdiagnosed?" Dongfang Qingyu stared at Gu Teng.

"No. I checked very carefully." Gu Teng looked at me and sighed. "It is best not to keep this child. Your body cannot endure the toll. Furthermore, nurturing a child requires a tremendous amount of nourishment from the mother's own body. Yet, if we administer abortifacient herbs now, I cannot say whether your constitution could withstand it."

"Allow me to think on it." My hand drifted to my lower abdomen. Another tiny life was resting here. "If this child could be born, surely it would be just as adorable as the baby, clinging to me, calling me mother..."

"That bastard Li Yexuan!" With a single blow of his palm, Dongfang Qingyu shattered the table and bolted out the door.

"Quick, Brother, go stop him! He must be going to cause trouble for Li Yexuan."

"Do not worry, I will go at once."

A moment later, Gu Teng returned, saying that on his way out he had run into Zijun, who was returning to check on me, and had sent Zijun after Dongfang Qingyu instead. It was better for him to remain by my side.

By the time Zijun returned, the sky was already fully bright. Gu Teng had gone off in search of medicinal ingredients. Dongfang Qingyu's complexion was rather poor, and there was a bruise on his face as he was unwillingly dragged inside by Zijun.

"How old are you both, yet still so impulsive? Go tend to the bruise on your face."

I tugged at the sleeve of Dongfang Qingyu, who was standing beside me. I knew he had only acted for my own good.

"It is nothing, and nothing was said anyway." Dongfang Qingyu sat down and patted my hand, signaling that he was fine.

"Elder sister, you cannot keep things from me like this anymore. If not for Qingyu, I still wouldn't know you were with child, nor that you had fallen so gravely ill. I am no longer a child!" Zijun looked rather angry.

"It was Elder sister's fault. It won't happen again." Zijun could never bear to truly scold me and was ultimately helpless against me.

When Gu Teng entered, he handed two medicine vials to me.

"The red one is to induce a miscarriage; the blue one is to preserve the fetus. You must decide for yourself."

The room plunged into a profound silence.

"All of you, go down and rest. I wish to have some peace and quiet."

"Very well. Call the maids outside the door if you need anything."

I stared at the medicine vials in my hand, my heart aching bitterly. This was the child of Li Yexuan and me, a younger sibling to the baby, my own flesh and blood, fused together with my very being. If it could survive, perhaps soon I would be able to hear its heartbeat. At the mere thought of the baby running and jumping about, I simply could not bring myself to slaughter such a life.

"My child, Mother has failed you, but Mother will accompany you all the way. You shall not be lonely on the road through the netherworld..." I picked up the blue vial and drank it down in a single breath.

Three days passed. Gu Teng prepared medicinal broths for me, and I swallowed bowl after bowl of potent restorative medicines as if they were ordinary meals. I was barely able to get out of bed again. Aside from the baby, everyone now knew my condition. Yet, seeing Gu Teng's increasingly furrowed brow, I could not help wondering if he already knew the truth. I urged Dongfang Qingyu and Zijun to return home. Dongfang Qingyu grandly declared that with his father holding down the fort, there was no issue; Zijun said that with his aunt, Xu Xun, and Ren An around, there was likewise no issue. They both lingered stubbornly and refused to leave, so I said no more.

Ever since the baby had returned, he had never once mentioned his father, and despite my numerous indirect probings, I could extract nothing from him.

I was resting in my room when Afu came running inside in a flurry.

"Princess, the Prince has arrived! He is at the gates of Fantian Pavilion. Young Master Gu and the Emperor have both gone down the mountain, but Young Master Dongfang—"

"Take me there quickly."

Before Afu could finish, I hurried toward the door.

By the time I managed to reach the gates of Fantian Pavilion, I saw Dongfang Qingyu knock Li Yexuan to the ground with a single punch. Li Yexuan did not retaliate; he merely wiped the trace of blood from the corner of his mouth.

"Stop fighting." If not for Afu supporting me, I would have collapsed long ago.

"Are you here to deliver the letter of divorce?"

"No. I am here to see you and our son."

I stood upon the stone steps while he stood below, gazing at each other.

"Damn it! I can't take this anymore!" With a sweep of his hand, Dongfang Qingyu destroyed several trees near the entrance of Fantian Pavilion.

"Listen to me, you surnamed Li, Zijun she—"

"Qingyu..."

I spoke up to cut Dongfang Qingyu off, preventing him from saying any more.

"Since you are not here to deliver a letter of divorce, then go back. It is best if you do not come to Fantian Pavilion." I turned around, intending to leave, but never expected Li Yexuan's voice to ring out from behind.

"Do not go! Do not leave me the way you did five years ago! I admit that treating you that way was my fault—I was merely jealous of Dongfang Qingyu and terrified that you would leave me again. Can you still not see my heart? Do not leave, I beg of you. Come back."

Was this a confession delivered too late? I no longer dared to believe the words of the man behind me.

"If you have not vented your anger, you may do whatever you wish. Now that I have come, I naturally fear nothing. Do not leave me behind without a single word once more."

"My Prince! I believe I have made myself quite clear. Since our ties are exhausted, let us release one another!"

"I will not write a letter of divorce—not even in death!"

"Even if you do not write it, I will not stay."

"Huangfu Zijun, you cannot be this cruel."

Li Yexuan lunged forward, but Dongfang Qingyu blocked his path.

"Come inside, Qingyu. Fantian Pavilion receives no guests. My Prince, please return!"

Afu acted swiftly, supporting me as she pulled me inside. Once Dongfang Qingyu entered as well, the heavy gates of Fantian Pavilion were slammed shut.

"Leave me be, everyone. Let me have some peace and quiet." Dongfang Qingyu, Afu, and the servants withdrew.

My entire body leaned against the door, slowly sliding down until I hit the cold floor. I slumped there, my hands pressing against the panels, my cheek resting against the freezing wood.

How could we be simultaneously so close and so far apart? And why must we have another child binding us now? A single door separated us, yet I could only lean closer to you—closer still—by such a wretched method.

What did the hatred of a fallen nation matter? What did reclaiming the empire matter? I, Huangfu Zijun, had still lost utterly and completely. I could not even manage the most basic duty of remaining between my husband and my child. Though I appeared glorious on the surface, my reality was utterly desolate.

Perhaps, having experienced no romance in my past life, I had come to this one merely to repay a debt.

Dongfang Qingyu arrived and scooped me up horizontally, carrying me back to the bed.

"Why must you be so stubborn? Since things have reached this point, why not let him know? At the very least, he is the father of the baby and the child in your womb."

"If he divorces me, he can remarry, and he will have other children."

"Why can't you understand? If he could tolerate anyone else, he would have had children long ago! You always act for his benefit, but have you ever considered what *he* actually wants? Why must you persist in this stubbornness? What harm is there in yielding just once? Why torture yourself by holding on so bitterly? Think it through."

Those few words from Dongfang Qingyu echoed relentlessly inside my mind...