29 Partiality and Favoritism
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*
“Boom!”
A great thunderbolt seemed to cleave the heavens in two.
A flash of white tore across the sky and vanished in an instant. The rift above closed at once, as though it had never been split apart—as elusive as the truth of this world, sought everywhere yet never seen.
The rain fell without pause, as though Heaven itself were weeping, endlessly and without respite.
Madam Xie stood stunned and dazed as Yu Qingxue’s loud sobs rang in her ears.
“Sister-in-law, my heart aches that you would speak to me like this. You know that I gave up the rest of my life for this child. If it weren’t for her, would I have ended up like this? All these years, I have been deeply grateful for your generosity in allowing my daughter and me to remain in the Yu household. I have always thought that, no matter what, I must never cause you trouble.
“Tang’er is the true daughter of the Yu family. I care about her and hope everything goes well for her, so that in the future she may look after A-Li a little. A-Li does not understand my good intentions. You are a mother yourself—if even you cannot understand me, then what a useless and failed mother I must be. What meaning is there in my remaining alive? I might as well die and be done with it all.”
Madam Xie remembered that many years ago, Qingxue had wept in just the same way, threatening to take her own life and using death to force their hands.
“Mother, please, give my child a way to live. My life is already ruined; I have nothing else to hope for. This child is my only hope. If you refuse, what reason do I have to go on living? I might as well die with my child, so neither of us need suffer in this world.”
When she had pretended to leap into the water, it had been Yu Liuzhu and Yu Zhiheng who pulled her back.
Yu Zhiheng’s face had turned livid. To him, this was nothing more than a minor matter—how had it come to this? He glanced toward Shen Linlang and Shen Qinglu, his eyes making no attempt to conceal his reproach.
“Linlang, how could you ask such a thing? We have all seen how much Qingxue has suffered over the years. If it were not for A-Li, why would she have humbled herself so completely? A-Li is unlike ordinary children. If Qingxue were not making plans for her sake, she would never have spent all these years watching other people’s expressions and currying their favor.”
“Elder Brother, my life is so bitter. I married the wrong man and gave birth to a daughter like this. I have spent my life trembling through each day, misunderstood and scorned by others. If it were not for my A-Li, I would have lost the will to live long ago…”
“We all know how difficult things have been for you. No one despises you or your daughter.”
Shen Qinglu listened to the heartfelt words exchanged between brother and sister, but felt no stir of emotion within her.
Her gaze passed through the dense curtain of rain and fixed solely upon Madam Xie.
Everything she had done was a gamble—a gamble on the old woman’s conscience and guilt. The attitudes, thoughts, and words of everyone else were no match for a single sentence from Madam Xie. And that matter could only be spoken of by Madam Xie herself.
Madam Xie was lost in thought, struggling inwardly, and no one knew what was in her heart. Yet her silence alone was already a form of favoritism and protection.
After a long while, she returned to herself. Her voice was heavy with helplessness.
“We are family. How could things have come to this? It is only a small matter, unrelated to any great question of right or wrong. Whether it is right or wrong is of no importance. Everyone, go.”
The only reply was the sudden intensification of the rain.
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Droplets clung to Shen Qinglu’s long lashes before sliding down from the corners of her eyes. Whether they were rain or tears—or perhaps tears mingled with rain—she watched as the woman approached through that mixture of water.
“A-Li…” Her voice was sorrowful and filled with guilt. Her hand hovered in midair, as though she wished to touch Shen Qinglu’s face, but in the end it fell back to her side.
In Shen Qinglu’s rain-soaked pupils, the woman’s reflection appeared. Beneath those pitch-black eyes, suppressed fury churned, as though eager to devour her. Yet Shen Qinglu seized her hand and, in an instant, filled her gaze with trust and reliance.
“Grandmother, let us go home.”
The old woman was moved. Several words nearly escaped her lips, but she forced them back down. In the end, only a sigh remained.
How much helplessness and inner conflict that sigh contained, perhaps only she herself knew.
The night stretched on, the sound of rain like sobbing, while human hearts rose and fell with the tide.
Shen Qinglu appeared utterly innocent, as though the events of that evening had left no shadow or emotion in her heart. Without a trace of worry, she returned with Madam Xie to the Auspicious Peace Residence.
On the pearwood desk in the west side room still lay the unfinished sheets of rice paper, half white and half covered in ink. The characters looked vastly different from those she had written the day before.
“A-Li, you wrote these today?” Madam Xie asked in surprise.
Shen Qinglu feigned bewilderment and nodded earnestly.
“Your handwriting… it really is quite good. It is already beginning to take shape.” Madam Xie sighed. Regretfully, she thought that if only this child had been well from the beginning, perhaps she would not have found it so difficult to speak.
The charcoal brazier gave off warmth, driving away the chill brought in from outside. Fragrant smoke rose from the incense burner, masking the earthy smell carried by the rain. Beneath the warmth of spring and summer and the fragrance of orchids, the coldness of human hearts remained impossible to dispel.
Madam Xie watched her fall asleep, tucked the brocade quilt around her, and lovingly stroked her hair.
“A-Li, you must get well soon. Once you are well, Grandmother can finally rest easy.”
Her eyes were closed, and she appeared to have sunk into sleep.
After a while, Madam Xie quietly gave Xia Chan a few instructions, then left on tiptoe.
When the door closed, Xia Chan came to the bedside and called softly, “Young Miss.”
Shen Qinglu abruptly opened her eyes. Her dark gaze was filled with mockery.
*
When the night once more returned to silence, the lights in Tranquil Heart Courtyard remained burning.
After bathing in hot water, Yu Qingxue sat before the mirror with her hair loose, her face dark with displeasure.
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The reflection in the mirror seemed to startle her. She leaned closer and traced her features and brows with her fingers, growing more and more irritated.
Suddenly, she opened the locked box beneath the dressing table and took everything inside out in one sweep: rouge, face powder, eyebrow pigment, and decorative forehead flowers. Then she powdered her face, painted her brows, and applied the flowers while gazing into the mirror.
Nanny Qin entered carrying a bowl of ginger soup. The moment she saw her mistress fully made up, she paused.
“Madam, it has been so long since you dressed yourself like this.”
Yu Qingxue looked as though she were on the verge of tears, yet also full of resentment.
“A woman adorns herself for the man who appreciates her. No matter how carefully I dress, there is no one left to see me.”
The begonia-red cloak had been spread open and hung up, partly to dry and partly to absorb fragrance—the very scent Yu Liuzhu liked best.
Nanny Qin set the ginger soup beside her and thoughtfully prepared some candied fruit as well.
“Madam, you should have let me accompany you tonight.”
After drinking the ginger soup, Yu Qingxue pinched up a piece of candied fruit but did not put it into her mouth. Instead, she kneaded it restlessly, as though she meant to crush it into pulp.
“With so many eyes around, it was easier for me to act alone. Nothing has gone wrong all these years, so why did something happen tonight?” Her brows drew together. “I clearly felt someone push me. How could I have been mistaken?”
But Xia Chan’s words had made her doubt herself. Even if she had harbored suspicions for a fleeting moment, the thought that Xia Chan belonged to Madam Xie—and could never possibly side with a simpleton—had dispelled them.
What worried her most was not this matter, but Shen Linlang’s attitude and the questions she had asked.
“I felt that my sister-in-law was treating that wretch rather differently. Do you think she may have noticed something?”
“That cannot be. If she had truly discovered anything, she certainly would not have let it go. How could things still be so calm?” Nanny Qin shook her head, feeling that it was unlikely.
“True.”
With a cold hum, Yu Qingxue slowly walked to the window and threw out the piece of candied fruit, now nearly crushed in her hand.
“If I had known that wretch would cause so much trouble, I should have changed the medicine back then. So many children are born dead; it would not have mattered if one more had died!”
The candied fruit landed in the wet mud without making a sound, so quiet and unnoticed—just like the deaths of certain people.
And the person crouching beneath the window did not move at all, as though they had been dead for a long time.
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